Since I’ve started blogging, I’ve been asked to do an article on this subject. I’m referring to males and females asking me. I have no idea why… maybe you guys are just nosey- LOL! It could be that the males are just curious and the single females want a way to relate. So, now that I am 6 months in this writing venture, I thought it would be fun and entertain you with what I am looking for in a man.
# 1: Solid foundation in God
You don’t need to be a Bishop or Pastor, but you do have to have been cultured in a Christian upbringing. [Note: If God sends me a Bishop or Pastor, I won’t turn him away- LOL!] Do you remember my article on dating “someone unequally yoked?” Well if not, click here. In that one, I didn’t necessarily touch on the religious aspect of dating someone unequally yoked. The purpose I was trying to portray- for MsQueenRo (I can’t speak for anyone else)- if the person doesn’t have a foundation in Christ, it will be hard for us to be on one accord.
Example: I dated someone that was “religious” but didn’t have a foundation in God. There is a difference. He believed there was a higher power but he wouldn’t acknowledge there is only ONE GOD. Regardless, he always respected my opinion and never judged me on what I believed. That’s one reason why we continued to date. He also had other great qualities about himself. However, in the end… our relationship just became too complicated. I consistently went to church, he didn’t; I wanted him to go but never wanted to “make” him. He would judge Christians- call them hypocrites or constantly call them fake… in my heart, I felt convicted. Our communication became sour, so we went our separate ways. He didn’t like it but understood why.
How many of you can relate? You get tired of experiencing lemons before you become mature enough to say… “I want an apple!” Then you wait and wait and wait… no matter how long it takes, you would rather wait for God to send you that sweet apple before you go back to tasting sour lemons.
# 2: Drive attracts me
I am a mover and shaker! I like to travel- click here to read about my trip to Rome, Italy! Complacency doesn’t consume me! Ergo, I am always researching my next adventure- whether it’s learning a new skill or looking for my next promotion. I am goal-oriented and a go-getter! So dating someone who doesn’t possess these qualities loses my interest. How do I know what traits to look for? Hmm let me see… below are some signs:
- Nope, he doesn’t have to have a degree but he is constantly reading, researching, or finding a way to learn something new.
- He does not remain complacent in his position. He may remain loyal to his company or craft but does not stay stagnant. Even if it means changing companies or businesses, he is always looking to be greater! Ex: I’ve been with my company for 14 years but I’ve been shifted/promoted over 5 times!
- Yep, it’s “oh so attractive if he pushes me!” I am constantly pushing others to their fullest potential- heck, it’s part of my MsQueenRo tagline! So yes, I would love for Mr. Right to say things like… “honey, I think you have been in that position long enough. It’s time for you to see what else is out there.”
- He doesn’t do the same thing, day in and day out. He is unpredictable! I am usually the “planner” in my relationships b/c of my organizational skills. However, if Mr. Right comes up to me and says… “baby, I booked us a flight to Jamaica, pack a bag- let’s go! Jesus build me a fence so that I can lean on it b/c this man just made me weak- LOL!
People tell me, you may not meet too many men like that but b/c you possess those qualities, you can show him what it means to have drive. Nah, that’s okay. I’ve been down that road and it has led to a dead end. I would rather wait until my GPS [God Places or Sends] me in the correct direction where Mr. Right (with drive) is located.
#3: Stability is important
Please don’t step to me making promises; you need to show proof you can take care of me and my daughter. What am I saying? Let me make it plain- I have great credit; I’ve owned my home since my early 20s; as mentioned, I’ve been with one stable job for over 14 years; my Ex isn’t consistent in taking care of his part financially, yet my daughter and I have never struggled. These are just a few examples of how I can provide you proof- I got this! Now, what promises will I not accept:
Me: So you said you have been through 3 jobs in the last 4 years?
Him: Yeah, but I promise this is the one. Those others didn’t have what I was looking for.
Me: *Thinking* You are too old to not know what you want to do in life.
Me: Huh, you are behind in child support? How much are you behind?
Him: Only like 3 months, but I promise with this job I’m at now, I can catch up and make future payments on time.
Me: *Thinking* If you had a stable job and your priorities in order, you wouldn’t be in this predicament. Do I need someone to take care of me and my daughter? Nope, but it sure would be nice if they had the means and drive to do so.
I am not saying you have to have everything in order. I understand life happens and sometimes we have to start over. I’ll just say you have to have a good track record and b/c you have the drive to remain out of complacency, I know it won’t be long before you are back on your feet again. We may just remain platonic friends for a while first- LOL.
MsQueenRo, you have some nerve!
HAHAHAHA… I know that is what some of you are thinking, huh? That’s cool. I understand there is no such thing as a perfect man. [That’s not what I am waiting for.] I know men (women) make mistakes. [Say what you want but I am not taking on anymore “projects” as you try to come out of your mistake.]
Royals, it’s okay if you don’t agree with this article (you can tell me why below) but I know what I want! I will not settle with a man anymore, that doesn’t possess the qualities God has given me the right to accept. Do I regret any of my past relationships? Oh no never! I don’t date deadbeats LOL. In each one, I learned a valuable lesson of some kind. It could have been about men, the relationship, or me for that matter. I know settling is what led to my divorce and was the downfall in some of my past relationships. I am strong enough to remain happy being single, while I wait for God to send me… Mr. Right Apple!