We all know the main definition of what “unequally yoked” means; being with someone who is not on the same level with you spiritually. Yes that is the most obvious, but did you realize there are many characteristics of being unequally yoked? You can be unequally yoked via communication, health, personalities, financial and more. In this post, I will touch on a few personal experiences that I encountered.
I don’t curse. Do I expect my mate to withhold a wholesome mouth- not necessarily- but I don’t expect him to curse like a sailor either. In my early years of dating, this guy I knew cursed with every other sentence. One day I asked him:
Me: You know you can get your point across without cursing so much. Do you mind toning it down some?
Him: Woman please! I’m grown and you are NOT my mother so I will do and say what I want to say!
Me: *shocked that he came at me that way* You are correct that I am not your mother nor do I want to be but I appreciate if you would respect the request I asked of you.
Him: Huh! I’ll think about it!
~It was at that moment I realized…
…we weren’t just unequally yoked b/c he cursed heavily and I didn’t. I also realized we didn’t practice very good active listening skills. Yes I said “WE.” I was just as much to blame as he was. Andy (I will call him) had a potty mouth since our first encounter. It wasn’t too long after we met that he had “let loose.” Remember I wrote about watching the signs? In case you don’t, click (here) to read. I obviously ignored them with this dude. Where am I wrong in this situation? I’m wrong b/c I (we) didn’t set boundaries in the beginning. I should have told him I wasn’t comfortable with him cursing. We could have worked it out or went our separate ways b/c one of us wouldn’t change. Both parties should, TALK and ACTIVELY listen to each other so that compromises and understandings are set right from the start!
Going into a relationship with already different views on financial stability can be tricky. What I mean… one of you may be the spender; the other may be the saver. Digging a little deeper… the spender has major debt, not to mention their credit score is in the dumps. The saver- a little too frugal at times- but still, has a great credit score and keeps her debt minimal to none. Having different views on financial stability- or being unequally yoked financially- can work but open communication will be at the up most importance. My advice- talk about financial habits and goals in the beginning of your relationship. BE HONEST! If either of you feel uncomfortable about what was discussed, you can either work it out or go your separate ways.
This characteristic is a little more difficult b/c it can take a while to really know someone’s personality. Moreover, once you get a good understanding, you usually invested so much into the relationship that you both learned to accept each other the way you are. Being unequally yoked via personalities can be touchy but also needs to be dealt with. If not, the relationship could become toxic.
~After dating someone for over a year…
Her: I feel like I can’t be myself around you. I like to joke and have fun, but you take everything to heart so I feel like I’m walking on egg shells when I speak.
Him: Oh yeah? Well guess what, you don’t always have to say what is on your mind. I may be a little sensitive but I feel you are too sarcastic.
Her: It’s not like you didn’t know that about me when we first met. Now I feel like our relationship isn’t progressing. Have you noticed our conversations are slim to none currently? You pop an attitude quickly and I choose to say as little as possible to avoid hurting your feelings. I’m becoming bored and disengaged.
Him: Sorry you feel that way. I hope you know I still love you and I’m not trying to cause arguments but I am the way I am and you are the way you are… where does that leave us?
Her: I’m trying to figure that out myself nowadays.
~Where do they go from here?
She doesn’t want to leave him; he doesn’t want to leave her… I’m not sure what to do but what I do know, love doesn’t conquer all- all the time. Sometimes couples come to the realization that it would be best to separate or “take a break” to reflect; to ensure they can accept the other they way they are 100% of the time. In other cases, you weigh out the pros and cons of each other. EX: Yes, he may be sensitive but he treats her the best of anyone she has dated. Yes, she believes she is a “know it all” but he appreciates her confidence. Again, open and honest communication is important and I would also add in- prayer or meditation. Asking for help from a Higher Power can lead to knowledge and understanding.
Open and Honest Communication is the Key
Even if you believe your relationship is unequally yoked, it doesn’t mean it can’t prosper. In this post, I had to mention open and honest communication at least 3 times. I’m unsure why communication is so hard in relationships; maybe it’s b/c you don’t want to hurt the other person’s feelings; maybe you don’t want to feel over bearing. Nonetheless, take it from me… holding in your feelings is worse. It may take a little time. Eventually, you will learn the best way to speak to your mate and they will learn the best way to receive. Lastly, don’t just pray for your relationship… pray for wisdom and growth for yourself. The best way for your relationship to grow is for you to mature first.
LIKE and COMMENT BELOW: What advice would you give for a couple experiencing unequally yoked characteristics?