This is always the tough part of dating with a child. How and when is it okay to let the new boy/girl friend meet the kiddie(s)?! Ultimately, there is never a “good time” but I do believe there is a “right time”. No matter the time, it will always be an awkward moment. What will he think of Her? What will she think of Him? Oh and don’t even get me started on the child’s father! How will he react? There are a lot of things to think about when introducing children to the new man/girl. In hopes of making it a little less stressful, here are some techniques I learned so that the transition went smoothly.
Do you even know Her?
Are you 100% sure you have a good feeling about Her? You first have to answer the question, is this someone you see spending a long time serious relationship with? If the answer is NO or “I don’t know, I’m still trying to figure that out” then it’s not the right time to introduce your child to Her. It’s best to wait and get to know Her a little more before you get your mate or worse, your child attached to each other. There isn’t a time limit on when you really know someone. Heck, I know couples that have been together over 20 years and they tell me they still find something new about their mate every now and again. It can be 30 days or 3 months before you are ready to introduce Her to the child- just know… that is okay!
Do us Both a Favor, BE HONEST!
Friend-Girl: So when do you plan on introducing Him to the kids?
Her: I don’t know. I’m still trying to figure that out. You know I have 3 of them and I really like Him. I don’t want to scare Him off.
Friend-Girl: I wouldn’t wait too long Hun. The longer you wait, the harder it will be for them to gain a relationship. What did you say when you told Him you had 3 of them?
Her: That’s my point, He doesn’t know I have 3 kids. He knows I have “kids” but he never asked how many.
Friend-Girl: Wait hold up! You haven’t even told Him how many?! Girl, you are trippin! You two have been dating for 2 months now. I’m not saying He should have met the kids but He should have at least have known how many. SMH, girl at this point… I will just pray for you- LOL!
Her: Geez, make me feel even worse that I already do- LOL! However you are correct… I should have mentioned it a long time ago. There hasn’t been a “good” moment to bring it up.
Friend-Girl: When is there a “good” moment but I know there is a “right” one. Stop stalling and just do it! If he really likes you like you say He does, He isn’t going anywhere. Tell Him you have 3 and then when He is ready, allow Him to meet them. Do the introduction when you both are ready but don’t start off the relationship hiding important details such as this.
Her: You know, you can be over-bearing sometimes but it comes from a good heart- LOL! Thank you for the advice.
Okay, I’m Ready!
The moment Bae met Raegan wasn’t as exasperating as I thought it would be. In fact, it went quite nicely! 🙂 It helps to have a laid back guy and a child that laughs even when she stumps her toe- LOL. However, even if I didn’t have these traits in Her and Him, I still believe everything would have worked out. How did I know? Well I did these things:
- I didn’t rush it: Bae and I have known each other for over 20 years (family friend) but that relationship changed once we took our first real date. He knew I had a child via knowing me, family, not to mention social media so of course by the time we dated- he asked, when could he meet her? Ultimately, it took over 60 days before I was ready. I wanted to get to know Him a little more.
- I Facetimed: To ensure Raegan would feel comfortable, I allowed them both to video chat weekly. This helped the anxiety He was feeling and it made sure she wouldn’t act shy when they finally met up.
- I prayed: Again, there isn’t a “best” time but I prayed and asked God to show me the “right” time. One day Raegan asked to see Bae- it was at that moment I knew it was time.
- I talked to Raegan: I continually talked to Raegan about Bae to make sure she was comfortable; not only with Him but also the act of me dating someone new. Yes, there was one person I dated prior to Bae so I didn’t want to confuse her. Fast forward~ In the end, she connected more with Bae than she did with the first guy so that became the confirmation.
- I talked to Her Dad: Out of respect for him, I wanted to make sure her Dad was comfortable with the whole introduction. NOTE: Not that I cared what he thought (I would have done it anyway) but I didn’t want Raegan to run up to him and say “Guess what Daddy, I met ***. In addition, I did meet his girlfriend some time before so I thought it would be fair if I followed suit.
Would I do anything differently?
Nope, I feel all went as planned and fell into place. Nothing went wrong, everyone was satisfied. Overall, do what works for you, your Bae, and your children. You can talk to many different people and I bet, every one of them will have a different piece of advice. In the end– don’t rush into anything; meditate-pray for strength, peace and wisdom; and don’t feel pressured to jump into anything.